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  • Dumping Them Out: College Football, Wicked, Italian Baker

    Dumping Them Out: College Football, Wicked, Italian Baker

    Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. The show where the GIF’s are repeats and I don’t give you the names of the girls.

    Every Saturday I spend a portion of my day getting mad at Brandon Walker college football takes. I’ve noticed this year his strategy has essentially been to declare that every team in college football sucks. Then claim victory the team inevitably loses a couple games, as every team except for like 2 or 3 will do, then it’s all “See I told you they weren’t good!”. 

    God damn it Brandon there are 12 playoff spots! There has to be 12 teams that get in! And they’re all “good” relatively speaking. If they all suck then you must just hate college football. Feels kinda bullshit to me to set the bar for being good at “a real threat to win the National Championship”. Anybody can do that god damn it. I know you watch enough football to come up with something better than that.

    And yes I’m overly sensitive because I’m an Indiana fan and I’m tired of him hammering home how much they suck. We get it. Sorry for being excited about the 1 good football season we’ve ever had. BUT YOU SAID THEY SUCKED AND WERE GOING TO LOSE EVERY FUCKING WEEK THIS SEASON AND WERE FINALLY RIGHT WHEN THEY LOST TO OHIO STATE THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG YOU DON’T GET TO GLOAT ABOUT THAT GOD DAMN IT! YOU WERE THE MOST WRONG PERSON ABOUT INDIANA ON THE PLANET ALL YEAR LONG.

    Ok sorry. Got that out of my system. Regardless, it’s very hilarious that Indiana did EXACTLY what they could not do against Ohio State yesterday. They proved everyone who talked shit about them right. But Indiana still came out a winner last night because every SEC team decided to shit the bed. I didn’t think it was possible for a team to come out looking worse than Indiana did yesterday. But boy was I wrong. Thanks Alabama. 

    Remember when people tried to say Alabama was a real threat to win the National Championship because they beat LSU? That was a weird overreaction. 

    I went to see Wicked yesterday. Here’s a few takeaways from a non-movie guy with no real prior knowledge of the plot going into it. Which Steven Cheah pretended to do the other day when he wrote a blog, which when you break it down said, “I didn’t like Wicked because I don’t like musicals but if you like musicals then you might enjoy it”.. Thanks for the insight Steve.

    Thought 1: They live in a world where animals talk. But when they first encounter a girl with green skin, they lose their fucking minds like it’s the craziest, scariest shit they’ve ever witnessed. Feels like they would have been a little less shocked by that considering they live in a magical fantasy wizard land. 

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    Thought 2: Ariana Grande is awesome. A legitimately great & funny actress. I thought her character was hilarious. Would love to see her go back to acting instead of focusing on music. 

    Thought 3: The song Popular is really an all-time banger. 

    However many rappers and musical artists have already sampled that chorus, it’s not enough. Keep ’em coming. Really need Kanye to drop this beat for real someday.

    Side Note: When I was searching “Wicked” on YouTube, I came across this song by some random prisoner. I remember seeing it in a TikTok years ago and I listened to it about a thousand times. Idk what horrific things this man may or may not have done to get himself locked up, but regardless, someone’s gotta make this into a real song. 

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    Thought 4: Were fans of the Wizard of Oz pissed when Wicked rose in popularity? Because the writers of Wicked kind of just took a big ol’ shit on the entire premise of Wizard of Oz. If you aren’t familiar with the story, they took the Wicked Witch of The West and made her into the good guy. They made the Wizard of Oz and his friends the assholes who were trying to silence talking animals. It’s all very political. Oddly timely (although the book was written in 1995). But regardless, I’d think big Wizard of Oz stans would have been like, “Who the fuck gave you the right to change the entire backstory of such a classic movie?” 

    Imagine if someone did that with Charlie & The Chocolate Factory? Like they just created a backstory of Willie Wonka and made him into a pedophile? We get to see what really happened when kids fell into the chocolate river. That’d make you look at the original a lot differently. 

    Thought 5: I then watched the original Wizard of Oz from 1939 last night after getting home (crazy nobody has made any sort of remake since then). But it does not hold up. A lot of plot holes in that movie. The Wicked Witch of The West just keeps showing up and doing nothing. She could have killed the shit out of Dorothy a million times. She deserved to “melt”.

    I loved Wicked overall. I’m a fan of musicals and Broadway shows in general. Of course, if you’re staunchly against musicals and can’t get past the corniness factor, then you might not like it. But if you go in with a halfway open mind, even if you’re not typically a musical person, I think you’d enjoy the movie. I give it an 8.5/10. A good one to see with your wife, girlfriend, kids, etc. Should make everyone happy, and won’t be complete torture for you.

    I’m a fan of Ian Rapoport as a personality and all. He seems like a good enough dude when he goes on Pardon My Take. Doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously. But I love this story.

    Anybody in the, “finding out news 10 minutes before it would have dropped anyways” business deserves to be lied to at all times. It’s the fakest job in the world. It contributes nothing to the world of sports, but somehow these guys have tricked companies like ESPN and the NFL Network into paying them millions of dollars to do it. Not that the job isn’t a grind. I’m sure it sucks to have to be glued to your phone like that all the time. But it’s the most unnecessary occupation in the world. There’s no reason we need to hear contract news from someone like Ian Rapoport or Adam Schefter, instead of from the source of the news itself. If I was ever in a position like Mike Mularkey was, I’d do the exact same thing. 

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    Speaking of people I’m a fan of, Baker Mayfield did Tommy Devito’s signature “I am Italian” celebration after scoring a TD vs the Giants today. 

    That seemed a little unnecessary. I guess when you’re Tommy DeVito, and you did the whole Tommy Cutlets/face of Italy thing last year, which the media//Barstool Sports decided to violently shove down everyone’s throats, then that’s going to happen. But it’s kind hilarious to score a TD against a team as hopeless the 2-8 Giants are right now, and take a shot at a backup backup QB who’s only in the game because his team has publicly thrown in the towel and are in full tank mode. They’re not even putting up a fight. All is fair in professional football. But that seemed a bit rude Baker. 

    The end. 

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  • Dumping Them Out: Football Is Supposed To Be Fun

    Dumping Them Out: Football Is Supposed To Be Fun

    Welcome back to yet another episode of Dumping Them Out. My fiancée was gone all Saturday, which means I did absolutely nothing but play College Football 25, and watch real life college football 24. Today’s Dumping Them Out will be about that. Just going to give my own person college football thoughts that only pertain to me, and you can enjoy the Boob GIF’s. Same deal as always.

    For anybody who’s played College Football 25 dynasty mode and could provide me tips, I don’t know how to recruit. I tweeted something about this and got a few tips, but for the most part people just informed me how stupid I was, and how recruiting is actually so fucking easy it’s boring. My problem is I don’t know how to distribute my hours. I’ve been trying to spread my recruiting hours across like 25-35 different recruits. I’ve now been informed how dumb that is. Also, what happens if I can’t recruit enough players and end up with leftover scholarships? Will the computer just recruit players for me? Will those players be any good? Any recruiting tips would be my appreciated.

    In regards to real football, what Deion Sanders has done at Colorado is downright bizarre. It’s incredible. Incredible in like, a cult leader type of way. He’s not a good football coach. He does not have a good football team. They’re 3-1 now but they’ll be lucky to make a bowl game. They’re not a threat to win the Big 12. The oddsmakers, and people who know college football never thought they were going to be good. But based on all the shit Deion Sanders talked coming into Colorado, they’ve massively underachieved. But their fans just don’t seem to care. It’s like they view college football differently than everyone else. They’re perfectly happy being average, and treating every average win like the just won the Super Bowl. It’s insane.

    My alma mater Bowling Green Falcons are fucking awesome at football. We’re only 1-2, but our losses were to Penn State and Texas A&M. Both games we lost by 1 score or less. Took them both down to the wire. Texas A&M had to cheat to beat us. We have the best tight end in the nation (Harold Fannin Jr.). I haven’t been this excited about a Bowling Green football teams in almost 10 years. We’re going to win the fuck out of the MAC.

    My second college football team, the Indiana Hoosiers, are also fucking awesome at football. We stole James Madison’s coach along with half their players. We took Ohio University’s quarterback Kurtis Rourke, the former MAC player of the year, and he rocks. I’m pretty sure our receivers still have 0 drops on the season (unless there was a meaningless one late yesterday vs Charlotte). I’ve never felt as good about both teams combined as I do this year.I know it’s kinda bullshit to claim 2 teams, but I feel like if they’re Bowling Green and Indiana it’s ok. They have less good things happen to them combined than most people’s 1 favorite team. Plus I went to school and grew up in Bowling Green, but was born in Bloomington where both my parents went to school. So I think that’s legit. 

    In regards to all of football, both the NFL and college, I think we’ve started taking the sport too seriously as society. I know this is kind of what Barstool Sports is built on, so maybe I shouldn’t say this, but while scrolling Twitter today as I was watching football I noticed that everybody just seems miserable. Bears fans are ready to jump off a bridge because their rookie quarterback, who had 363 yards today, isn’t as good out of the gate as they thought he might be. Eagles fans, who won today, have recently won the Super Bowl, who make the playoffs every single year, are ready to fire their entire coaching staff and ship Jalen Hurts out of town. Giants fans are just always sad, even when they win. Browns fans lost, but are so disgusted by their rapist starting quarterback they don’t even feel good about cheering for him. Jets fans did have a good moment on Thursday. But that was the first moment in 100 years. I also tweeted something about switching the Colts-Bears games to Red Zone, and was just immediately chastised for only having 1 TV. Guys… having 1 TV is exceeding normal. Most people don’t have a room with multiple TV’s on the wall. And in general, you can’t give any takes without people taking it so fucking serious and personal. It just strikes me that nobody seems to be enjoying themselves to an unhealthy level. And we all just accept it as normal. I feel like it’s not normal. Football is supposed to be entertainment guys. Watching football is supposed to be a fun experience.

    Fuck I really hate to say this… but maybe the University of Colorado has it figured out. They suck and they’re having a blast. Something to think about.

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  • Dumping Them Out: NFL vs College Football

    Dumping Them Out: NFL vs College Football

    Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I’ve completely lost track of where I was in my GIF rotation. I have this giant folder of Boob GIF’s, and I try to use new one’s every week. But I often fuck up and use the same one’s too close together. I’ve been jumping around way too much lately. So starting now, I’m starting back from the top.

    I’m writing this blog as I watch the Colts play a very pathetic first half of football. If there’s one thing I don’t love about working at Barstool Sports, it’s feeling like I have to watch football. Especially the Colts. I’ve been a Colts fan my whole life. More than a casual fan, but not much more. My whole life, my strategy for watching sports is, “If the game is starting to make me angry, I stop watching.”

    It’s a strategy that’s proved effective for me. Sports are meant to be entertainment. If I’m not being entertained, then why would I watch? I could care less if that means I’m not a “true fan”. I’ve met a lot of true fans in my life, and half of them a miserable a majority of the time their watching sports. But now I feel like the guy in Clockwork Orange with his eyes held open by claws being forced to watch Anthony Richardson float passes up the Packers secondary, and the Colts run defense refuse to play run defense and let up roughly 25 yards per carry despite the fact that the Packers have a QB who’s incapable of throwing. 

    Ok that’s not a real complaint. I can’t complain about feeling like I have to watch football. But I’m mad about the Colts, and instead of just turning the game off and pretending it’s not happening.

    Also those first three paragraphs of mostly an attempt to reverse jynx the Colts into making a comeback. Hopefully by the time I’m finished the Colts will have the lead and I’ll look like a big ol’ idiot. Well… nobody is actually going to be reading this anyways. You’re just here for the GIFs. But even if they do comeback I won’t change this. Because I’m a man of honor. And because I’m lazy. And because again… nobody is reading these words anyways. But trust me. It’s not going to work. 

    And this is why I like college football more than the NFL. The NFL is too serious. It’s too high stakes. In college football, I can cheer for my 2 mediocre teams, the Bowling Green Falcons and the Indiana Hoosiers. If they’re ever great (which Indiana actually might be this year), then it’s all gravy. If they suck, I’m never going to lose sleep over it. There’s so many layers to college football too. So many games that are just fun to watch and nothing more. Pitt vs West Virginia yesterday for example. South Carolina vs LSU. Missouri vs Boston College. I watched Eastern Michigan vs Jacksonville State yesterday. It went into 2OT’s. It was a delight. Did you know Jacksonville State isn’t even in Florida? It’s a different Jacksonville entirely. It’s in Jacksonville, Alabama. Who knew? God damn it I miss yesterday. 

    Back to the NFL. I know hindsight is 20/20 and all, but how on earth did NFL scouts in 2023 determine that Bryce Young was the clear #1 pick. He is god awful. It’d be one thing if he was a 6’4″ 245-pound specimen like Anthony Richardson. Anthony Richardson very well might end up being a bust in his own right, but at least he looks the part. He’s got a cannon for an arm. He appears to be an NFL quarterback. I can understand how scouts might be fooled by him. I can understand how they were fooled by a guy like JaMarcus Russell. But when you look at Bryce Young he looks like a fucking middle schooler. On what planet was this the best rookie available in 2023?

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    Fingers crossed that I look like an asshole for complaining about the Colts by the time you’re not reading this. But it’s not looking great. You hear a lot about quarterbacks who throw a “catchable ball”. I’m afraid Anthony Richardson is one of the few quarterbacks who throws a “non-catchable ball”. Even the passes his receivers catch, they look like they’re fighting a cat as they do it.

    Also if you’re reading this, and the Colts have comeback and won, that means Malik Willis somehow managed to lose this game. If that’s the case, he should never be allowed on a football field again.

    And and and… just a reminder. No matter what happens to any NFL team this week. No matter if you’re 2-0, 1-1, 0-2, 0-1-1, or 1-0-1, keep in mind that the week following Week 2 of the NFL season is the biggest overreaction week in all of sports. All week long, will make definitive statements about teams as if they know exactly what they’re going to be this season. By Week 11, we’re going to look back on Week 2 and laugh because we didn’t know shit. Players will get hurt. New players will emerge. Teams will go on runs of wins. Teams will go on runs of losses. Somebody this week will tell you that the New Orleans Saints are a legitimate threat to win the Super Bowl. Don’t take the bait. 

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  • Dumping Them Out: NFL Football I Guess

    Dumping Them Out: NFL Football I Guess

    Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. You may have noticed I did not write a Dumping Them Out blog last week. It was the first week I’ve missed, other than maybe one holiday weekend over Christmas, since I’ve started this hit series.

    The reason I didn’t do it last week is because I didn’t feel like it. I was fresh off a Sunday night Labor Day weekend wedding in Cleveland, Ohio. I could have easily done it from the United Club Lounge as I waited for my 2 hour flight delay. 

    But instead I did nothing. I spent my time drinking free tequila waters and getting mad at Newark airport. Did you know that last weekend Newark airport shut down entirely for like 3 hours? There was some sort of radar issue. 

    Anyways, I’m sorry I didn’t write my blog last week..I know it’s hard to find girls in bikinis on the internet, and you all rely on me to recycle the same 400 GIF’s in blog format every Sunday.

    I spent the afternoon slate of NFL Week 1 having a picnic in Central Park, so I missed the first half of NFL games. But I’ll still fire off some NFL takes based on what I’ve seen on my phone. 

    Anthony Richardson threw a good touchdown pass. His arm is very strong. Very athletic. Very demure. 

    As a Colts fan, I have full confidence in Anthony Richardson. If he can manage to stay healthy, I think he’ll end up being a top 10 quarterback for many years. But there’s also a world where Anthony Richardson is a bust, but at the same time finishes his career with 5 of the 10 most impressive throws in NFL history. Which would be very funny. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. He will be healthy and good and the Colts will win many Super Bowls. 

    Secondly, how fucking stupid did the Giants look today? I’m not even talking about their play on the field. From what I’ve seen, they sucked a bag of dicks football wise in their own right. But what were those jerseys? I’m not even going to give the Giants the respect of looking up why they were wearing these. What the fuck are you doing that for on Week 1? They’re not doing this all season right? The winged helmets are bad. They don’t look good. Nobody thinks they look good. Michigan only kind of pulls them off because they’re historic. But nobody actually thinks those helmets look good. And the brown pants? The Giants might as well have just punted their entire season by wearing those Week 1. Hopefully they get the #1 pick next year. Clearly that’s what they’re going for.

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    Next thought. It’s insane Jameis Winston hasn’t gotten a real chance to lead a team in the last few years. Every year Jameis ends up on a team where there’s a QB who the coaches deem “better” than Jameis. And usually the coach is right. But at the same time there are 10 other teams who are starting QB’s WAY worse than Jameis.

    The New York Giants should trade for him. Idk how it’d work contract wise. But Daniel Jones obviously isn’t working out. The Brown would be better served moving forward with Jameis Winston. The Giants would get a spark if they traded for Deshaun Watson. I don’t think either team would win a Super Bowl or anything. But Jameis Winston deserves a chance. And Daniel Jones HAS to stop being the Giants starting QB. 

    The End.

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