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Tag: Talk

  • Town Talk: KU still trying to figure out how it will pay student-athletes, but chancellor says cutting sports programs is not part of the plan

    Town Talk: KU still trying to figure out how it will pay student-athletes, but chancellor says cutting sports programs is not part of the plan








    The University of Kansas doesn’t have plans to eliminate any of its money-losing Olympic sports despite great uncertainty about whether the athletic department can afford to pay student-athletes in the future, KU’s chancellor said.

    The future of those programs — which range from big ones like track and field to smaller ones like golf and tennis — has been the focus of speculation across the country as a federal court in April is expected to finalize a lawsuit settlement that will allow universities to start paying student-athletes. Initially, programs like KU could spend slightly more than $20 million a year to pay student-athletes, over and above the scholarships they often receive. That amount would grow through the years as athletic department revenues grow.

    But KU is like many other athletic department programs across the country: It doesn’t know where it would find $20 million a year in its current budget to pay student-athletes. But it also knows that if it doesn’t find the money — the lawsuit settlement will allow but not require schools to pay student-athletes — that remaining competitive in the top tier of college athletics will be very difficult.

    Chancellor Douglas Girod has been blunt in saying he doesn’t know how KU is going to solve that problem. He knows it is not a satisfying answer — but it does have the benefit of being an honest one.

    “If anyone tells you they have it figured out, they are lying,” Girod said during a brief interview recently. “I have talked to dozens of chancellors and presidents, and they are all scratching their heads.”

    At this point, Girod is more comfortable in saying what KU isn’t considering: Cutting sports.

    “To be honest, you don’t save a whole bunch of money doing that. It is not really a priority for us,” Girod said of using sports cuts to solve the pending budget crunch.

    There may be another reason KU isn’t considering such cuts: The university would face a big loss in status if it cut any sport. Currently, NCAA rules require any university that wants to compete in the highest level of Division I athletics to field 16 sports programs. That is exactly how many KU has currently.

    Student-athletes and coaches of KU Olympic sports may still have reason to be wary, though. While cutting entire programs may not be the question floating through the halls of athletic departments, the numbers suggest another question will soon emerge:

    Are we in it to win it?

    Roster changes

    An analysis of the pending legal settlement shows KU will have some decisions to make on whether to invest new money in the Olympic sports. If it doesn’t, those sports may have a hard time competing in the future.

    The reason is because major roster changes will come to college athletics as part of the legal settlement. No longer will individual sports have limits on the number of scholarships they can offer. Instead, they will have limits on how large their overall rosters can be.

    The change is expected to create two impacts. The most certain one is that some students will see their college athletic careers end because there will no longer be a roster spot for them. Walk-on student-athletes — the term for student-athletes who don’t receive a scholarship — are the most likely to lose spots.

    An analysis by the Journal-World found that, compared to 2023 totals, there will be 49 fewer scholarship spots for student-athletes across KU’s 16 sports when the new rules are expected to take effect in 2025-2026. That would be an almost 10% reduction in student-athletes at KU.

    But the other impact might be the one that creates havoc in the competitive landscape. Schools now will be allowed to give every student-athlete who is on a roster a scholarship. That is not how the system works today.

    Take, for instance, baseball. In 2023, there were 40 players on the roster. However, NCAA rules limit the number of scholarships that can be offered to 11.7, meaning most players are receiving partial scholarships, and all those partial scholarships add up to the equivalent of just less than 12 full-ride scholarships.

    In the 2025-2026 school year, the size of the baseball team will shrink to 34 players. Six students will no longer have the chance to be a Jayhawk baseball player. However, all 34 remaining players can receive a full scholarship — if the university invests the money to make it happen.

    How much money would that take? I haven’t seen any official numbers from KU, and to be clear, Girod and I did not dive into any of these scholarship issues during our interview. Instead, I looked at the 2023 NCAA financial filings for KU and found that the athletic department provided $15.2 million in student aid to 432 athletes. That’s an average of $35,185 per student-athlete.

    If you simply use that average, it would cost about $785,000 per year to fund the approximately 22 new scholarship positions that would be available on the baseball team. That would be about a 20% increase in the total operating expenses of the baseball program. The baseball program in 2023 operated at an approximately $4 million loss.

    The story is much the same for every sport other than football and men’s basketball. In total, KU, using the average above, is looking at $6.7 million in additional scholarship money that is needed to bring all its teams — minus football and men’s basketball — to the full scholarship levels. Those programs posted a $28.4 million operating loss in 2023. Only football and men’s basketball in 2023 posted an operating profit. The two sports combined had operating revenues that were $20 million over operating expenses, according to the NCAA filings.

    If this were only a money question, the answers would be pretty easy. But college athletics still have elements of education, opportunity and equity. At the end of the day, though, the concept of competition is paramount.

    That comes back to the growing question in college athletics: Are you in it to win it?

    Take baseball as the example again. KU may decide not to invest the more than $700,000 a year in additional scholarship money to field a team that is fully stocked with scholarship players. But certainly some schools will. That discrepancy is likely to have competitive implications.

    That’s the polite way to say it.

    Donors to the rescue?

    If you have been doing the math as we go, you realize we have a problem. The group of sports that are money-losers lost $28 million, while the two sports that are money-makers made $20 million. We are $8 million short.

    Donors, along with other revenue sources, make up the difference. The $8 million gap is deceiving, though. KU had about $52 million in other expenses in 2023 that weren’t tied to any one team. That’s everything from administrative salaries to debt payments to a host of other expenses required to run a $100 million-plus enterprise.

    Fortunately for KU, it had about $64 million in revenues that weren’t tied to any one team, with a little less than half that amount coming from donors. Add it all up, and Kansas Athletics ended 2023 with revenues being about $4 million greater than expenses. In the world of college athletics, that is not a given. There are many schools that end the year with a deficit and have to seek money from general university coffers to cover the shortfall. Girod has said multiple times that KU must avoid that situation at nearly all costs.

    But that brings us to the 2025-2026 school year. If the lawsuit settlement is approved, KU will need to find about $20 million to pay student-athletes and another $5 million to $7 million, perhaps, to fully stock teams with scholarship players.

    Maybe donors could be the answer. Maybe, but a little perspective might be helpful. Donors provided about $29 million to Kansas Athletics in 2023. That would mean donors would need to nearly double their contributions to also cover the $25 million to $27 million gap created by the lawsuit settlement. And, they might need to be prepared to do that year after year. Plus, the cost of the settlement will grow over the years. The settlement is structured such that the amount schools can pay athletes rises as the total revenue of athletic departments increases.

    Additionally, there’s a question of how much more donors at KU can give. This lawsuit settlement is hitting KU at a time when it already is tapping donors in a big way for facility improvements. Donors have pledged about $250 million for renovations to the west side of David Booth Kansas Memorial Stadium. It is very likely the university will ask for additional donor dollars to complete the east side of the stadium renovations in the near future. KU is betting the new stadium will create new revenues. It will need to because KU also plans to take out at least $115 million in new debt to help pay for the west side renovations. It is unclear whether it will have to take out additional debt for the east side improvements.

    Maybe donors can’t ride to the rescue. Cost-cutting might have to be part of the equation, and KU has hired one of the most renowned accounting firms in the country — Deloitte — to study athletic department finance.

    The common fan on the street may be screaming that they can save the firm the trouble — reduce coaches’ salaries. KU did pay $23.5 million in coaching salaries in 2023. That’s a lot, but it also is worth noting that every KU coach could agree to work for free, and you still wouldn’t quite cover the pending $25 million to $27 million shortfall.

    The payroll category that actually is larger at KU is the money paid to athletic administrators and support staff. That figure was $28.3 million in 2023. Of course, it is not realistic to simply eliminate that category, which includes everything from the athletic director to administrative assistants.

    If you cut 50% from both the coaching category and the administrative category, you would basically cover your projected shortfall. That’s not a recommendation, by the way, but rather an example of how deep the cuts would have to be if you chose to operate with blunt instruments.

    That’s an operation that would require a lot of anesthesia.

    Of course, you could do nothing. The pending settlement doesn’t require any university to pay student-athletes. It simply allows them to pay student-athletes, and places a cap on how much.

    “You don’t have to pay anything,” Jeff DeWitt, the university’s chief financial officer, noted in a recent interview. “It is a cap, not a requirement. But how do you remain the No. 1 ranked in basketball? How do you move up the Big 12 in football?”

    Another option is that maybe the Big 12 Conference comes together and creates its own, lower caps on payments and/or scholarships. That may maintain some competitive balance in the conference, but what would happen in postseason play when those Big 12 schools are competing against other schools that are operating with higher caps?

    That’s an operation that may require a bunker for university presidents to hide from angry fans and donors who become frustrated at early exits from NCAA tournaments or bowl blowouts.

    That seemingly brings us right back to where we began.

    “Nobody knows,” DeWitt said of how KU or other athletic departments are going to deal with the pending settlement. “If you want me to give you any certainty, I can’t.”

    2023 Profit and Loss by Sport

    — Baseball: $4.0 million loss

    — Women’s basketball: $4.7 million loss

    — Men’s golf: $1.2 million loss

    — Women’s golf: $1.0 million loss

    — Rowing: $2.2 million loss

    — Soccer: $2.4 million loss

    — Softball: $2.2 million loss

    — Swimming & diving: $1.7 million loss

    — Tennis: $1.6 million loss

    — Women’s track & field/cross-country: $2.8 million loss

    — Men’s track & field/cross-country: $2.8 million loss

    — Volleyball: $1.9 million loss

    — Men’s basketball: $3 million profit

    — Football: $17 million profit

    Changing Rosters

    Here’s a look at changing roster sizes for the 2025-2026 season compared to 2023 numbers:

    — Baseball: down 6

    — Men’s cross country: no change

    — Women’s cross country: down 2

    — Football: down 18

    — Men’s basketball: down 2

    — Women’s basketball: no change

    — Men’s golf: down 2

    — Women’s golf: down 3

    — Rowing: down 4

    — Soccer: down 3

    — Softball: up 2

    — Swimming: down 2

    — Tennis: down 1

    — Men’s track: down 5

    — Women’s track: down 2

    — Volleyball: down 1

    Scholarship changes

    While roster sizes generally are going down, the number of scholarships the university can offer on each team is generally going up.

    — Baseball: up 22.3 scholarships

    — Men’s cross-country: up 4.54

    — Women’s cross-country: down 1

    — Football: up 20

    — Men’s basketball: up 2

    — Women’s basketball: up 1.5

    — Men’s golf: up 4.5

    — Women’s golf: up 3

    — Rowing: up 48.44

    — Soccer: up 14.04

    — Softball: up 13

    — Swimming: up 16.5

    — Tennis: up 2.5

    — Men’s track: up 27

    — Women’s track: up 27

    — Volleyball: up 6






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  • US gathers allies to talk AI safety. Trump’s vow to undo Biden’s AI policy overshadows their work

    US gathers allies to talk AI safety. Trump’s vow to undo Biden’s AI policy overshadows their work

    President-elect Donald Trump has vowed to repeal President Joe Biden’s signature artificial intelligence policy when he returns to the White House for a second term.

    What that actually means for the future of AI technology remains to be seen. Among those who could use some clarity are the government scientists and AI experts from multiple countries gathering in San Francisco this week to deliberate on AI safety measures.

    Hosted by the Biden administration, officials from a number of U.S. allies — among them Canada, Kenya, Singapore, the United Kingdom and the 27-nation European Union — are scheduled to begin meeting Wednesday in the California city that’s a commercial hub for AI development.

    Their agenda addresses topics such as how to better detect and combat a flood of AI-generated deepfakes fueling fraud, harmful impersonation and sexual abuse.

    It’s the first such meeting since world leaders agreed at an AI summit in South Korea in May to build a network of publicly backed safety institutes to advance research and testing of the technology.

    Biden signed a sweeping AI executive order last year and this year formed the new AI Safety Institute at the National Institute for Standards and Technology, which is part of the Commerce Department.

    Trump promised in his presidential campaign platform to “repeal Joe Biden’s dangerous Executive Order that hinders AI Innovation, and imposes Radical Leftwing ideas on the development of this technology.”

    But he hasn’t made clear what about the order he dislikes or what he’d do about the AI Safety Institute. Trump’s transition team didn’t respond to emails this week seeking comment.

    Tech industry groups — backed by companies including Amazon, Google, Meta and Microsoft — are mostly pleased with the AI safety approach of Biden’s Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo and have pushed for Congress to preserve the new agency and codify its work into law.

    Some experts expect the kind of technical work happening in San Francisco this week to proceed regardless of who’s in charge.

    “There’s no reason to believe that we’ll be doing a 180 when it comes to the work of the AI Safety Institute,” said Heather West, a senior fellow at the Center for European Policy Analysis. Behind the rhetoric, she said there’s already been overlap.

    Trump didn’t spend much time talking about AI during his four years as president, though in 2019 he became the first to sign an executive order about AI. It directed federal agencies to prioritize research and development in the field.

    Before that, tech experts were pushing the Trump-era White House for a stronger AI strategy to match what other countries were pursuing. Trump in the waning weeks of his administration signed an executive order promoting the use of “trustworthy” AI in the federal government. Those policies carried over into the Biden administration.

    All of that was before the 2022 debut of ChatGPT, which brought public fascination and worry about the possibilities of generative AI and helped spark a boom in AI-affiliated businesses. What’s also different this time is that tech mogul and Trump adviser Elon Musk has been picked to lead a government cost-cutting commission. Musk holds strong opinions about AI’s risks and grudges against some AI industry leaders, particularly ChatGPT maker OpenAI, which he has sued.

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  • Many retailers offer ‘returnless refunds.’ Just don’t expect them to talk much about it

    Many retailers offer ‘returnless refunds.’ Just don’t expect them to talk much about it

    It’s one of the most under-publicized policies of some of the biggest U.S. retailers: sometimes they give customers full refunds and let them keep unwanted items too.

    Returnless refunds are a tool that more retailers are using to keep online shoppers happy and to reduce shipping fees, processing time and other ballooning costs from returned products.

    Companies such as Amazon, Walmart and Target have decided some items are not worth the cost or hassle of getting back. Think a $20 T-shirt that might cost $30 in shipping and handling to recover. There are also single-use items, such as a package of plastic straws, that might be difficult to resell or medicines that could be unsafe to market again.

    Analysts say the companies offering returnless refunds do it somewhat sporadically, typically reserving the option for low-cost objects or ones with limited resale value. But some online shoppers said they’ve also been allowed to keep more pricey products.

    Dalya Harel, 48, received a return-free refund recently after ordering a desk from Amazon that cost roughly $300. When the desk arrived, she noticed it was missing some key pieces and would be impossible to put together, Harel said. She couldn’t request a replacement and have it within a reasonable time for the office of her New York lice detection removal service because the item was out of stock.

    Harel, who routinely buys towels and other products from Amazon for her business, said her team reached out to the company’s customer service line. She was pleasantly surprised to hear she would get a refund without having to send back the desk.

    “That’s one less headache to deal with,” Harel said. “It was really nice for us to not have to make an extra trip up to the post office.”

    She used the desk pieces to create makeshift shelves in her office in Brooklyn.

    While the retail practice of letting customers keep merchandise and get their money back is not exactly a trade secret, the way it works is shrouded in mystery. Companies are not keen to publicize the circumstances in which they issue returnless refunds due to concerns over the potential for return fraud.

    Even if brands don’t provide details about such policies on their websites, returnless refunds are expanding in at least some retail corners.

    Amazon, which industry experts say has engaged in the practice for years, announced in August that it would extend the option to the third-party sellers who drive most of the sales on the e-commerce giant’s platform. Under the program, sellers who use the company’s fulfillment services in the U.S. could choose to offer customers a traditional refund for purchases under $75 along with no obligation to return what they ordered.

    Amazon did not immediately respond to questions about how the program works. But publicly, it has pitched returnless refunds more directly to international sellers and those who offer cheaper goods. Items sold in an upcoming section of Amazon’s website, which will allow U.S. shoppers to buy low-cost goods shipped directly from China, will also be eligible for returnless refunds, according to documents seen by The Associated Press.

    In January, Walmart gave a similar option to merchants who sell products on its growing online marketplace, leaving it up to sellers to set price limits and determine if or how they want to participate.

    China-founded e-commerce companies Shein and Temu say they also offer returnless refunds on a small number of orders, as does Target, the online shopping site Overstock and pet products e-tailer Chewy, which some customer said had encouraged them to donate unwanted items to local animal shelters.

    Wayfair, another online retailer cited by some customers as offering returnless refunds, did not reply to a request for comment on its policies.

    Overall, retailers and brands tend to be careful about how often they let customers keep items for free. Many of them are deploying algorithms to determine who should be given the option and who should not.

    To make the decision, the algorithms assess multiple factors, including the extent to which a shopper should be trusted based on prior purchasing – and returning – patterns, shipping costs and the demand for the product in the customer’s hands, according to Sender Shamiss, CEO of goTRG, a reverse logistics company that works with retailers like Walmart.

    Optoro, a company that helps streamline returns for Best Buy, Staples and Gap Inc., has observed retailers assessing the lifetime value of a customer and extending returnless refunds as a type of unofficial, discreet loyalty benefit, according to CEO Amena Ali.

    The king of online retail appeared to verify the process works that way.

    In a statement, Amazon said it offers returnless refunds on a “very small number” of items as a “convenience to customers.”

    The company also said it’s hearing positive feedback from sellers about its new program that authorized them to tell customers they could keep some products and still be reimbursed. Amazon said it was monitoring for signs of fraud and setting eligibility criteria for sellers and customers. It didn’t provide additional details on what that encompassed.

    Some retailers also are stiffening the liberal return policies they long employed to encourage online orders. Shoppers who enjoyed making purchases on their computers or cellphones became accustomed to loading up their digital shopping baskets with the intent of returning items they ended up not liking.

    Shopping online also grew significantly during the COVID-19 pandemic, when homebound consumers reduced their trips to stores and relied on sites like Amazon for everyday items. Retail companies have talked in recent years about returns becoming more expensive to process due to the growing volume, rising inflation and labor costs.

    Last year, U.S. consumers returned $743 billion worth of merchandise, or 14.5% of the products they purchased – up from 10.6% in 2020, according to the National Retail Federation. In 2019, returned merchandise was valued at $309 billion, according to loss prevention company Appriss Retail.

    Last year, roughly 14% of returns were fraudulent, costing retailers $101 billion in losses, according to a joint report from the National Retail federation and Appriss Retail. The problem spans from low-level forms of fraud – such as shoppers returning already worn clothing – to more complicated schemes by fraudsters who return shoplifted merchandise or items purchased on stolen credit cards.

    To deter excessive returns, some retailers, including H&M, Zara and J. Crew, started charging customers return fees in the past year. Others have shortened their return windows. Some shopping sites, such as the Canadian retailer Ssense, have threatened to kick frequent returners off their platforms if they suspect abuse of their policies.

    However, retailers don’t all view frequent returners in the same way. Such customers could be seen as “good returners” if they purchase – and keep – many more items than they send back, Ali said.

    “Oftentimes, your most profitable customers tend to be high returners,” she said.

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  • Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Pregnancy is full of challenges, but I didn’t expect how hard it would be to separate wants and needs, especially once I got sucked into the “pregnant mums subculture” in Singapore. 

    I put that in air quotes because it’s the closest I’ve come to describing the vortex of kiasu-ness and consumerism that convinced me that I needed to maximise the experience with a whole new maternity closet and a photoshoot for the bump. I needed to sign up for prenatal barre classes, wallpaper the baby’s room, and speaking of the bump, create a belly cast to commemorate the journey. 

    Well, almost convinced me. Thanks to pregnancy’s demands on my time and wallet, I ended up skipping a few so-called essential experiences, such as the aforementioned photoshoot. Now that I’m five months postpartum, I feel distant enough from the experience to evaluate whether or not I’d made the right decision. 

    Skipping the maternity photoshoot

    A while back, one of our writers shared why she decided to forego a pre-wedding photoshoot. Like her, I wanted to challenge the notion that my pregnancy would be incomplete without one. What would we even do with the photos anyway?

    I don’t even like posting my face on Instagram, let alone posting photos of my bare, swollen belly. Knowing us, the pictures would either end up buried in Google Drive, or stuffed into a closet. 

    Still, I agree that a first pregnancy is a one-time event that deserves commemoration. But if we did a photoshoot for this pregnancy, we’d presumably have to do one for subsequent pregnancies so that all of our children feel equally important.

    Since we couldn’t guarantee that we’d have the time, extra cash, and energy for that, we decided that good ‘ol iPhone photos would suffice. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5. 

    Forgoing a babymoon

    Going on a babymoon — that is, a romantic getaway before the birth of our baby — was a must for me as a first-time parent. It’d be our last trip as a family of two. Our last trip where we wouldn’t have to bring a pack-n-play or wedge kid-friendly activities in our itinerary. 

    So why didn’t we go? Unfortunately, my husband and I had to move houses while I was pregnant, and given inflation and the increased GST, whatever we’d saved for a babymoon went into the cost of home renovations. 

    Now that the baby is here and we’re planning our first vacation for her, I regret skipping out on a babymoon more than ever. Not only do we have to plan baby-friendly activities into our schedule, but we also have to plan them around her eating and sleeping patterns (how naive I was to think that babies can tahan activities after 9pm on consecutive nights!).

    We need to find restaurants that can accommodate strollers, accommodations with refrigerators cold enough to store pumped breast milk, and speaking of pumping, I need to bring extra pump parts and bottles everywhere we go! 

    My one consolation is that once our baby grows up, we won’t need to bring so much barang with us overseas. But until then…

    Regret-o-metre: 500/5 

    Choosing a public hospital instead of a private ‘branded’ hospital 

    I could probably write a whole article on this, but more than once, someone went “huh?” when I told them we’d chosen KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as our maternity hospital. 

    To which I went “huh, why not?” in return. With over 4000 staff, and between 30 to 35 babies born on its premises daily, KKH is Singapore’s largest public hospital dedicated to healthcare for women and children.

    While it might be well-known for its range of maternity services, it isn’t exactly pampering: while private hospitals offer everything from limousine services, to silk bathrobes, at KKH, it’s go in, give birth, get out. (I was discharged the day after delivery once baby and myself completed the necessary tests.) 

    “Aren’t you afraid there won’t be enough beds for you to get a private ward?”

    “Can’t you afford something nicer?”

    “I heard the doctors and nurses will be too busy to take care of you since there are so many other people giving birth there.” 

    I had only one thing to say in response: “Sure, we can choose a private hospital, but if anything goes wrong, they’ll send us to KKH anyway so we might as well be there to begin with.”

    (Did you know that KKH has Southeast Asia’s largest NICU? And that not every maternity hospital has a blood bank? Not that we were expecting our baby to be admitted into the NICU or to need blood, but it was reassuring to know that we’d be in a well-resourced environment.)

    Regret-o-metre: 3/5. My maternity and birth experience at KKH was extremely no-frills, but I appreciate that it was cost-effective (doctors don’t charge professional fees at KKH!) and safe! Prior to choosing KKH, my husband and I explored a private hospital, but backed out once they told us that we’d have to top up to have neonatal specialists on standby.

    [[nid:672743]]

    At KKH, on the other hand, they’re around by default. As impatient as I felt undergoing a 36-hour labour, I felt at peace knowing that if anything went wrong, I was in a place that was well-staffed and well-equipped enough to attend to me. 

    So why only a three? Given the number of people who visit every day, waiting times were far longer than they are at a private hospital. I had to wait three weeks until I could get an appointment with my doctor of choice. And during our prenatal checkups, we’d have to wait at the pharmacy for an hour before getting our meds!

    I’m just thankful I didn’t have to queue at all to get a private ward once I gave birth, although that was probably due more to luck than anything else. 

    Not throwing a gender reveal party 

    You’d think that gender reveal parties are an American thing, but a couple of people actually asked us if we’d be doing one.

    Getting together with our families and loved ones to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child sounded nice, but we didn’t end up throwing a gender reveal party because firstly, we weren’t ready to shell out for custom cakes, balloons, and any other gender-reveal mechanisms, and secondly, we’re too impatient for surprises. 

    My husband and I are also rather private — why should something as special as finding out your child’s gender become up for public consumption? 

    In the end, we didn’t even reveal our child’s gender on our Instagram pregnancy announcement. If you want to know, wait till the child is born lor. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5

    Hard-launching my baby on Instagram

    Speaking of Instagram, I’ve spotted a growing trend on my feed: hard-launching a baby on Instagram. That is, posting a picture of the baby after it’s born, without any preempting. 

    As someone who announced my baby over Instagram, I totally get it.. Announcing a pregnancy invites a ton of unsolicited comments and advice, which is the last thing you need when you’re already tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with information.

    I even had a friend-turned-insurance agent take a sudden, suspicious interest in my life once she found out I was pregnant! (She offered to sell me insurance once I posted a birth announcement, so I guess she would have tried it regardless.) 

    Regret-o-metre: 2/5. My pregnancy announcement functioned much like a Bat Signal for “I need help”. Kaypoh questions and pantang pieces of advice aside, I greatly appreciated how other mums reached out with their secondhand goodies, postpartum care contacts, and listening ears! 

    Doing my makeup before giving birth

    There’s no bigger flex postpartum like giving birth without looking like you’ve just given birth. The key? Eyebrow embroidery, eyelash extensions, a Dyson Airwrap, and a hydrating face spray.

    I’ll admit that I used to hate on influencers for looking all glammed up in their hospital photos. How vain! I cluck. Aren’t there more important things to think about when you’re getting ready to give birth? 

    But now that I’ve experienced the horrors of a two-day labour, I understand the appeal of looking cute after giving birth. Let’s face it, you’ll probably feel demolished afterward.

    Between looking after a newborn, healing from your wounds, and possibly learning to breastfeed, you’ll have precious few opportunities to look cute in the next few weeks, if not months. If you want to look good on your last day before the sleepless nights commence, that’s nobody’s business but your own. 

    Regret-o-metre: 4/5

    [[nid:706705]]

    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

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  • Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Pregnancy is full of challenges, but I didn’t expect how hard it would be to separate wants and needs, especially once I got sucked into the “pregnant mums subculture” in Singapore. 

    I put that in air quotes because it’s the closest I’ve come to describing the vortex of kiasu-ness and consumerism that convinced me that I needed to maximise the experience with a whole new maternity closet and a photoshoot for the bump. I needed to sign up for prenatal barre classes, wallpaper the baby’s room, and speaking of the bump, create a belly cast to commemorate the journey. 

    Well, almost convinced me. Thanks to pregnancy’s demands on my time and wallet, I ended up skipping a few so-called essential experiences, such as the aforementioned photoshoot. Now that I’m five months postpartum, I feel distant enough from the experience to evaluate whether or not I’d made the right decision. 

    Skipping the maternity photoshoot

    A while back, one of our writers shared why she decided to forego a pre-wedding photoshoot. Like her, I wanted to challenge the notion that my pregnancy would be incomplete without one. What would we even do with the photos anyway?

    I don’t even like posting my face on Instagram, let alone posting photos of my bare, swollen belly. Knowing us, the pictures would either end up buried in Google Drive, or stuffed into a closet. 

    Still, I agree that a first pregnancy is a one-time event that deserves commemoration. But if we did a photoshoot for this pregnancy, we’d presumably have to do one for subsequent pregnancies so that all of our children feel equally important.

    Since we couldn’t guarantee that we’d have the time, extra cash, and energy for that, we decided that good ‘ol iPhone photos would suffice. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5. 

    Forgoing a babymoon

    Going on a babymoon — that is, a romantic getaway before the birth of our baby — was a must for me as a first-time parent. It’d be our last trip as a family of two. Our last trip where we wouldn’t have to bring a pack-n-play or wedge kid-friendly activities in our itinerary. 

    So why didn’t we go? Unfortunately, my husband and I had to move houses while I was pregnant, and given inflation and the increased GST, whatever we’d saved for a babymoon went into the cost of home renovations. 

    Now that the baby is here and we’re planning our first vacation for her, I regret skipping out on a babymoon more than ever. Not only do we have to plan baby-friendly activities into our schedule, but we also have to plan them around her eating and sleeping patterns (how naive I was to think that babies can tahan activities after 9pm on consecutive nights!).

    We need to find restaurants that can accommodate strollers, accommodations with refrigerators cold enough to store pumped breast milk, and speaking of pumping, I need to bring extra pump parts and bottles everywhere we go! 

    My one consolation is that once our baby grows up, we won’t need to bring so much barang with us overseas. But until then…

    Regret-o-metre: 500/5 

    Choosing a public hospital instead of a private ‘branded’ hospital 

    I could probably write a whole article on this, but more than once, someone went “huh?” when I told them we’d chosen KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as our maternity hospital. 

    To which I went “huh, why not?” in return. With over 4000 staff, and between 30 to 35 babies born on its premises daily, KKH is Singapore’s largest public hospital dedicated to healthcare for women and children.

    While it might be well-known for its range of maternity services, it isn’t exactly pampering: while private hospitals offer everything from limousine services, to silk bathrobes, at KKH, it’s go in, give birth, get out. (I was discharged the day after delivery once baby and myself completed the necessary tests.) 

    “Aren’t you afraid there won’t be enough beds for you to get a private ward?”

    “Can’t you afford something nicer?”

    “I heard the doctors and nurses will be too busy to take care of you since there are so many other people giving birth there.” 

    I had only one thing to say in response: “Sure, we can choose a private hospital, but if anything goes wrong, they’ll send us to KKH anyway so we might as well be there to begin with.”

    (Did you know that KKH has Southeast Asia’s largest NICU? And that not every maternity hospital has a blood bank? Not that we were expecting our baby to be admitted into the NICU or to need blood, but it was reassuring to know that we’d be in a well-resourced environment.)

    Regret-o-metre: 3/5. My maternity and birth experience at KKH was extremely no-frills, but I appreciate that it was cost-effective (doctors don’t charge professional fees at KKH!) and safe! Prior to choosing KKH, my husband and I explored a private hospital, but backed out once they told us that we’d have to top up to have neonatal specialists on standby.

    [[nid:672743]]

    At KKH, on the other hand, they’re around by default. As impatient as I felt undergoing a 36-hour labour, I felt at peace knowing that if anything went wrong, I was in a place that was well-staffed and well-equipped enough to attend to me. 

    So why only a three? Given the number of people who visit every day, waiting times were far longer than they are at a private hospital. I had to wait three weeks until I could get an appointment with my doctor of choice. And during our prenatal checkups, we’d have to wait at the pharmacy for an hour before getting our meds!

    I’m just thankful I didn’t have to queue at all to get a private ward once I gave birth, although that was probably due more to luck than anything else. 

    Not throwing a gender reveal party 

    You’d think that gender reveal parties are an American thing, but a couple of people actually asked us if we’d be doing one.

    Getting together with our families and loved ones to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child sounded nice, but we didn’t end up throwing a gender reveal party because firstly, we weren’t ready to shell out for custom cakes, balloons, and any other gender-reveal mechanisms, and secondly, we’re too impatient for surprises. 

    My husband and I are also rather private — why should something as special as finding out your child’s gender become up for public consumption? 

    In the end, we didn’t even reveal our child’s gender on our Instagram pregnancy announcement. If you want to know, wait till the child is born lor. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5

    Hard-launching my baby on Instagram

    Speaking of Instagram, I’ve spotted a growing trend on my feed: hard-launching a baby on Instagram. That is, posting a picture of the baby after it’s born, without any preempting. 

    As someone who announced my baby over Instagram, I totally get it.. Announcing a pregnancy invites a ton of unsolicited comments and advice, which is the last thing you need when you’re already tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with information.

    I even had a friend-turned-insurance agent take a sudden, suspicious interest in my life once she found out I was pregnant! (She offered to sell me insurance once I posted a birth announcement, so I guess she would have tried it regardless.) 

    Regret-o-metre: 2/5. My pregnancy announcement functioned much like a Bat Signal for “I need help”. Kaypoh questions and pantang pieces of advice aside, I greatly appreciated how other mums reached out with their secondhand goodies, postpartum care contacts, and listening ears! 

    Doing my makeup before giving birth

    There’s no bigger flex postpartum like giving birth without looking like you’ve just given birth. The key? Eyebrow embroidery, eyelash extensions, a Dyson Airwrap, and a hydrating face spray.

    I’ll admit that I used to hate on influencers for looking all glammed up in their hospital photos. How vain! I cluck. Aren’t there more important things to think about when you’re getting ready to give birth? 

    But now that I’ve experienced the horrors of a two-day labour, I understand the appeal of looking cute after giving birth. Let’s face it, you’ll probably feel demolished afterward.

    Between looking after a newborn, healing from your wounds, and possibly learning to breastfeed, you’ll have precious few opportunities to look cute in the next few weeks, if not months. If you want to look good on your last day before the sleepless nights commence, that’s nobody’s business but your own. 

    Regret-o-metre: 4/5

    [[nid:706705]]

    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

    Source link

  • Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Pregnancy is full of challenges, but I didn’t expect how hard it would be to separate wants and needs, especially once I got sucked into the “pregnant mums subculture” in Singapore. 

    I put that in air quotes because it’s the closest I’ve come to describing the vortex of kiasu-ness and consumerism that convinced me that I needed to maximise the experience with a whole new maternity closet and a photoshoot for the bump. I needed to sign up for prenatal barre classes, wallpaper the baby’s room, and speaking of the bump, create a belly cast to commemorate the journey. 

    Well, almost convinced me. Thanks to pregnancy’s demands on my time and wallet, I ended up skipping a few so-called essential experiences, such as the aforementioned photoshoot. Now that I’m five months postpartum, I feel distant enough from the experience to evaluate whether or not I’d made the right decision. 

    Skipping the maternity photoshoot

    A while back, one of our writers shared why she decided to forego a pre-wedding photoshoot. Like her, I wanted to challenge the notion that my pregnancy would be incomplete without one. What would we even do with the photos anyway?

    I don’t even like posting my face on Instagram, let alone posting photos of my bare, swollen belly. Knowing us, the pictures would either end up buried in Google Drive, or stuffed into a closet. 

    Still, I agree that a first pregnancy is a one-time event that deserves commemoration. But if we did a photoshoot for this pregnancy, we’d presumably have to do one for subsequent pregnancies so that all of our children feel equally important.

    Since we couldn’t guarantee that we’d have the time, extra cash, and energy for that, we decided that good ‘ol iPhone photos would suffice. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5. 

    Forgoing a babymoon

    Going on a babymoon — that is, a romantic getaway before the birth of our baby — was a must for me as a first-time parent. It’d be our last trip as a family of two. Our last trip where we wouldn’t have to bring a pack-n-play or wedge kid-friendly activities in our itinerary. 

    So why didn’t we go? Unfortunately, my husband and I had to move houses while I was pregnant, and given inflation and the increased GST, whatever we’d saved for a babymoon went into the cost of home renovations. 

    Now that the baby is here and we’re planning our first vacation for her, I regret skipping out on a babymoon more than ever. Not only do we have to plan baby-friendly activities into our schedule, but we also have to plan them around her eating and sleeping patterns (how naive I was to think that babies can tahan activities after 9pm on consecutive nights!).

    We need to find restaurants that can accommodate strollers, accommodations with refrigerators cold enough to store pumped breast milk, and speaking of pumping, I need to bring extra pump parts and bottles everywhere we go! 

    My one consolation is that once our baby grows up, we won’t need to bring so much barang with us overseas. But until then…

    Regret-o-metre: 500/5 

    Choosing a public hospital instead of a private ‘branded’ hospital 

    I could probably write a whole article on this, but more than once, someone went “huh?” when I told them we’d chosen KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as our maternity hospital. 

    To which I went “huh, why not?” in return. With over 4000 staff, and between 30 to 35 babies born on its premises daily, KKH is Singapore’s largest public hospital dedicated to healthcare for women and children.

    While it might be well-known for its range of maternity services, it isn’t exactly pampering: while private hospitals offer everything from limousine services, to silk bathrobes, at KKH, it’s go in, give birth, get out. (I was discharged the day after delivery once baby and myself completed the necessary tests.) 

    “Aren’t you afraid there won’t be enough beds for you to get a private ward?”

    “Can’t you afford something nicer?”

    “I heard the doctors and nurses will be too busy to take care of you since there are so many other people giving birth there.” 

    I had only one thing to say in response: “Sure, we can choose a private hospital, but if anything goes wrong, they’ll send us to KKH anyway so we might as well be there to begin with.”

    (Did you know that KKH has Southeast Asia’s largest NICU? And that not every maternity hospital has a blood bank? Not that we were expecting our baby to be admitted into the NICU or to need blood, but it was reassuring to know that we’d be in a well-resourced environment.)

    Regret-o-metre: 3/5. My maternity and birth experience at KKH was extremely no-frills, but I appreciate that it was cost-effective (doctors don’t charge professional fees at KKH!) and safe! Prior to choosing KKH, my husband and I explored a private hospital, but backed out once they told us that we’d have to top up to have neonatal specialists on standby.

    [[nid:672743]]

    At KKH, on the other hand, they’re around by default. As impatient as I felt undergoing a 36-hour labour, I felt at peace knowing that if anything went wrong, I was in a place that was well-staffed and well-equipped enough to attend to me. 

    So why only a three? Given the number of people who visit every day, waiting times were far longer than they are at a private hospital. I had to wait three weeks until I could get an appointment with my doctor of choice. And during our prenatal checkups, we’d have to wait at the pharmacy for an hour before getting our meds!

    I’m just thankful I didn’t have to queue at all to get a private ward once I gave birth, although that was probably due more to luck than anything else. 

    Not throwing a gender reveal party 

    You’d think that gender reveal parties are an American thing, but a couple of people actually asked us if we’d be doing one.

    Getting together with our families and loved ones to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child sounded nice, but we didn’t end up throwing a gender reveal party because firstly, we weren’t ready to shell out for custom cakes, balloons, and any other gender-reveal mechanisms, and secondly, we’re too impatient for surprises. 

    My husband and I are also rather private — why should something as special as finding out your child’s gender become up for public consumption? 

    In the end, we didn’t even reveal our child’s gender on our Instagram pregnancy announcement. If you want to know, wait till the child is born lor. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5

    Hard-launching my baby on Instagram

    Speaking of Instagram, I’ve spotted a growing trend on my feed: hard-launching a baby on Instagram. That is, posting a picture of the baby after it’s born, without any preempting. 

    As someone who announced my baby over Instagram, I totally get it.. Announcing a pregnancy invites a ton of unsolicited comments and advice, which is the last thing you need when you’re already tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with information.

    I even had a friend-turned-insurance agent take a sudden, suspicious interest in my life once she found out I was pregnant! (She offered to sell me insurance once I posted a birth announcement, so I guess she would have tried it regardless.) 

    Regret-o-metre: 2/5. My pregnancy announcement functioned much like a Bat Signal for “I need help”. Kaypoh questions and pantang pieces of advice aside, I greatly appreciated how other mums reached out with their secondhand goodies, postpartum care contacts, and listening ears! 

    Doing my makeup before giving birth

    There’s no bigger flex postpartum like giving birth without looking like you’ve just given birth. The key? Eyebrow embroidery, eyelash extensions, a Dyson Airwrap, and a hydrating face spray.

    I’ll admit that I used to hate on influencers for looking all glammed up in their hospital photos. How vain! I cluck. Aren’t there more important things to think about when you’re getting ready to give birth? 

    But now that I’ve experienced the horrors of a two-day labour, I understand the appeal of looking cute after giving birth. Let’s face it, you’ll probably feel demolished afterward.

    Between looking after a newborn, healing from your wounds, and possibly learning to breastfeed, you’ll have precious few opportunities to look cute in the next few weeks, if not months. If you want to look good on your last day before the sleepless nights commence, that’s nobody’s business but your own. 

    Regret-o-metre: 4/5

    [[nid:706705]]

    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

    Source link

  • Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Pregnancy is full of challenges, but I didn’t expect how hard it would be to separate wants and needs, especially once I got sucked into the “pregnant mums subculture” in Singapore. 

    I put that in air quotes because it’s the closest I’ve come to describing the vortex of kiasu-ness and consumerism that convinced me that I needed to maximise the experience with a whole new maternity closet and a photoshoot for the bump. I needed to sign up for prenatal barre classes, wallpaper the baby’s room, and speaking of the bump, create a belly cast to commemorate the journey. 

    Well, almost convinced me. Thanks to pregnancy’s demands on my time and wallet, I ended up skipping a few so-called essential experiences, such as the aforementioned photoshoot. Now that I’m five months postpartum, I feel distant enough from the experience to evaluate whether or not I’d made the right decision. 

    Skipping the maternity photoshoot

    A while back, one of our writers shared why she decided to forego a pre-wedding photoshoot. Like her, I wanted to challenge the notion that my pregnancy would be incomplete without one. What would we even do with the photos anyway?

    I don’t even like posting my face on Instagram, let alone posting photos of my bare, swollen belly. Knowing us, the pictures would either end up buried in Google Drive, or stuffed into a closet. 

    Still, I agree that a first pregnancy is a one-time event that deserves commemoration. But if we did a photoshoot for this pregnancy, we’d presumably have to do one for subsequent pregnancies so that all of our children feel equally important.

    Since we couldn’t guarantee that we’d have the time, extra cash, and energy for that, we decided that good ‘ol iPhone photos would suffice. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5. 

    Forgoing a babymoon

    Going on a babymoon — that is, a romantic getaway before the birth of our baby — was a must for me as a first-time parent. It’d be our last trip as a family of two. Our last trip where we wouldn’t have to bring a pack-n-play or wedge kid-friendly activities in our itinerary. 

    So why didn’t we go? Unfortunately, my husband and I had to move houses while I was pregnant, and given inflation and the increased GST, whatever we’d saved for a babymoon went into the cost of home renovations. 

    Now that the baby is here and we’re planning our first vacation for her, I regret skipping out on a babymoon more than ever. Not only do we have to plan baby-friendly activities into our schedule, but we also have to plan them around her eating and sleeping patterns (how naive I was to think that babies can tahan activities after 9pm on consecutive nights!).

    We need to find restaurants that can accommodate strollers, accommodations with refrigerators cold enough to store pumped breast milk, and speaking of pumping, I need to bring extra pump parts and bottles everywhere we go! 

    My one consolation is that once our baby grows up, we won’t need to bring so much barang with us overseas. But until then…

    Regret-o-metre: 500/5 

    Choosing a public hospital instead of a private ‘branded’ hospital 

    I could probably write a whole article on this, but more than once, someone went “huh?” when I told them we’d chosen KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as our maternity hospital. 

    To which I went “huh, why not?” in return. With over 4000 staff, and between 30 to 35 babies born on its premises daily, KKH is Singapore’s largest public hospital dedicated to healthcare for women and children.

    While it might be well-known for its range of maternity services, it isn’t exactly pampering: while private hospitals offer everything from limousine services, to silk bathrobes, at KKH, it’s go in, give birth, get out. (I was discharged the day after delivery once baby and myself completed the necessary tests.) 

    “Aren’t you afraid there won’t be enough beds for you to get a private ward?”

    “Can’t you afford something nicer?”

    “I heard the doctors and nurses will be too busy to take care of you since there are so many other people giving birth there.” 

    I had only one thing to say in response: “Sure, we can choose a private hospital, but if anything goes wrong, they’ll send us to KKH anyway so we might as well be there to begin with.”

    (Did you know that KKH has Southeast Asia’s largest NICU? And that not every maternity hospital has a blood bank? Not that we were expecting our baby to be admitted into the NICU or to need blood, but it was reassuring to know that we’d be in a well-resourced environment.)

    Regret-o-metre: 3/5. My maternity and birth experience at KKH was extremely no-frills, but I appreciate that it was cost-effective (doctors don’t charge professional fees at KKH!) and safe! Prior to choosing KKH, my husband and I explored a private hospital, but backed out once they told us that we’d have to top up to have neonatal specialists on standby.

    [[nid:672743]]

    At KKH, on the other hand, they’re around by default. As impatient as I felt undergoing a 36-hour labour, I felt at peace knowing that if anything went wrong, I was in a place that was well-staffed and well-equipped enough to attend to me. 

    So why only a three? Given the number of people who visit every day, waiting times were far longer than they are at a private hospital. I had to wait three weeks until I could get an appointment with my doctor of choice. And during our prenatal checkups, we’d have to wait at the pharmacy for an hour before getting our meds!

    I’m just thankful I didn’t have to queue at all to get a private ward once I gave birth, although that was probably due more to luck than anything else. 

    Not throwing a gender reveal party 

    You’d think that gender reveal parties are an American thing, but a couple of people actually asked us if we’d be doing one.

    Getting together with our families and loved ones to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child sounded nice, but we didn’t end up throwing a gender reveal party because firstly, we weren’t ready to shell out for custom cakes, balloons, and any other gender-reveal mechanisms, and secondly, we’re too impatient for surprises. 

    My husband and I are also rather private — why should something as special as finding out your child’s gender become up for public consumption? 

    In the end, we didn’t even reveal our child’s gender on our Instagram pregnancy announcement. If you want to know, wait till the child is born lor. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5

    Hard-launching my baby on Instagram

    Speaking of Instagram, I’ve spotted a growing trend on my feed: hard-launching a baby on Instagram. That is, posting a picture of the baby after it’s born, without any preempting. 

    As someone who announced my baby over Instagram, I totally get it.. Announcing a pregnancy invites a ton of unsolicited comments and advice, which is the last thing you need when you’re already tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with information.

    I even had a friend-turned-insurance agent take a sudden, suspicious interest in my life once she found out I was pregnant! (She offered to sell me insurance once I posted a birth announcement, so I guess she would have tried it regardless.) 

    Regret-o-metre: 2/5. My pregnancy announcement functioned much like a Bat Signal for “I need help”. Kaypoh questions and pantang pieces of advice aside, I greatly appreciated how other mums reached out with their secondhand goodies, postpartum care contacts, and listening ears! 

    Doing my makeup before giving birth

    There’s no bigger flex postpartum like giving birth without looking like you’ve just given birth. The key? Eyebrow embroidery, eyelash extensions, a Dyson Airwrap, and a hydrating face spray.

    I’ll admit that I used to hate on influencers for looking all glammed up in their hospital photos. How vain! I cluck. Aren’t there more important things to think about when you’re getting ready to give birth? 

    But now that I’ve experienced the horrors of a two-day labour, I understand the appeal of looking cute after giving birth. Let’s face it, you’ll probably feel demolished afterward.

    Between looking after a newborn, healing from your wounds, and possibly learning to breastfeed, you’ll have precious few opportunities to look cute in the next few weeks, if not months. If you want to look good on your last day before the sleepless nights commence, that’s nobody’s business but your own. 

    Regret-o-metre: 4/5

    [[nid:706705]]

    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

    Source link

  • Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: Here’s how much I regret (or don’t regret) skipping these popular pregnancy trends, Lifestyle News

    Pregnancy is full of challenges, but I didn’t expect how hard it would be to separate wants and needs, especially once I got sucked into the “pregnant mums subculture” in Singapore. 

    I put that in air quotes because it’s the closest I’ve come to describing the vortex of kiasu-ness and consumerism that convinced me that I needed to maximise the experience with a whole new maternity closet and a photoshoot for the bump. I needed to sign up for prenatal barre classes, wallpaper the baby’s room, and speaking of the bump, create a belly cast to commemorate the journey. 

    Well, almost convinced me. Thanks to pregnancy’s demands on my time and wallet, I ended up skipping a few so-called essential experiences, such as the aforementioned photoshoot. Now that I’m five months postpartum, I feel distant enough from the experience to evaluate whether or not I’d made the right decision. 

    Skipping the maternity photoshoot

    A while back, one of our writers shared why she decided to forego a pre-wedding photoshoot. Like her, I wanted to challenge the notion that my pregnancy would be incomplete without one. What would we even do with the photos anyway?

    I don’t even like posting my face on Instagram, let alone posting photos of my bare, swollen belly. Knowing us, the pictures would either end up buried in Google Drive, or stuffed into a closet. 

    Still, I agree that a first pregnancy is a one-time event that deserves commemoration. But if we did a photoshoot for this pregnancy, we’d presumably have to do one for subsequent pregnancies so that all of our children feel equally important.

    Since we couldn’t guarantee that we’d have the time, extra cash, and energy for that, we decided that good ‘ol iPhone photos would suffice. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5. 

    Forgoing a babymoon

    Going on a babymoon — that is, a romantic getaway before the birth of our baby — was a must for me as a first-time parent. It’d be our last trip as a family of two. Our last trip where we wouldn’t have to bring a pack-n-play or wedge kid-friendly activities in our itinerary. 

    So why didn’t we go? Unfortunately, my husband and I had to move houses while I was pregnant, and given inflation and the increased GST, whatever we’d saved for a babymoon went into the cost of home renovations. 

    Now that the baby is here and we’re planning our first vacation for her, I regret skipping out on a babymoon more than ever. Not only do we have to plan baby-friendly activities into our schedule, but we also have to plan them around her eating and sleeping patterns (how naive I was to think that babies can tahan activities after 9pm on consecutive nights!).

    We need to find restaurants that can accommodate strollers, accommodations with refrigerators cold enough to store pumped breast milk, and speaking of pumping, I need to bring extra pump parts and bottles everywhere we go! 

    My one consolation is that once our baby grows up, we won’t need to bring so much barang with us overseas. But until then…

    Regret-o-metre: 500/5 

    Choosing a public hospital instead of a private ‘branded’ hospital 

    I could probably write a whole article on this, but more than once, someone went “huh?” when I told them we’d chosen KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH) as our maternity hospital. 

    To which I went “huh, why not?” in return. With over 4000 staff, and between 30 to 35 babies born on its premises daily, KKH is Singapore’s largest public hospital dedicated to healthcare for women and children.

    While it might be well-known for its range of maternity services, it isn’t exactly pampering: while private hospitals offer everything from limousine services, to silk bathrobes, at KKH, it’s go in, give birth, get out. (I was discharged the day after delivery once baby and myself completed the necessary tests.) 

    “Aren’t you afraid there won’t be enough beds for you to get a private ward?”

    “Can’t you afford something nicer?”

    “I heard the doctors and nurses will be too busy to take care of you since there are so many other people giving birth there.” 

    I had only one thing to say in response: “Sure, we can choose a private hospital, but if anything goes wrong, they’ll send us to KKH anyway so we might as well be there to begin with.”

    (Did you know that KKH has Southeast Asia’s largest NICU? And that not every maternity hospital has a blood bank? Not that we were expecting our baby to be admitted into the NICU or to need blood, but it was reassuring to know that we’d be in a well-resourced environment.)

    Regret-o-metre: 3/5. My maternity and birth experience at KKH was extremely no-frills, but I appreciate that it was cost-effective (doctors don’t charge professional fees at KKH!) and safe! Prior to choosing KKH, my husband and I explored a private hospital, but backed out once they told us that we’d have to top up to have neonatal specialists on standby.

    [[nid:672743]]

    At KKH, on the other hand, they’re around by default. As impatient as I felt undergoing a 36-hour labour, I felt at peace knowing that if anything went wrong, I was in a place that was well-staffed and well-equipped enough to attend to me. 

    So why only a three? Given the number of people who visit every day, waiting times were far longer than they are at a private hospital. I had to wait three weeks until I could get an appointment with my doctor of choice. And during our prenatal checkups, we’d have to wait at the pharmacy for an hour before getting our meds!

    I’m just thankful I didn’t have to queue at all to get a private ward once I gave birth, although that was probably due more to luck than anything else. 

    Not throwing a gender reveal party 

    You’d think that gender reveal parties are an American thing, but a couple of people actually asked us if we’d be doing one.

    Getting together with our families and loved ones to celebrate the imminent arrival of our child sounded nice, but we didn’t end up throwing a gender reveal party because firstly, we weren’t ready to shell out for custom cakes, balloons, and any other gender-reveal mechanisms, and secondly, we’re too impatient for surprises. 

    My husband and I are also rather private — why should something as special as finding out your child’s gender become up for public consumption? 

    In the end, we didn’t even reveal our child’s gender on our Instagram pregnancy announcement. If you want to know, wait till the child is born lor. 

    Regret-o-metre: 0/5

    Hard-launching my baby on Instagram

    Speaking of Instagram, I’ve spotted a growing trend on my feed: hard-launching a baby on Instagram. That is, posting a picture of the baby after it’s born, without any preempting. 

    As someone who announced my baby over Instagram, I totally get it.. Announcing a pregnancy invites a ton of unsolicited comments and advice, which is the last thing you need when you’re already tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with information.

    I even had a friend-turned-insurance agent take a sudden, suspicious interest in my life once she found out I was pregnant! (She offered to sell me insurance once I posted a birth announcement, so I guess she would have tried it regardless.) 

    Regret-o-metre: 2/5. My pregnancy announcement functioned much like a Bat Signal for “I need help”. Kaypoh questions and pantang pieces of advice aside, I greatly appreciated how other mums reached out with their secondhand goodies, postpartum care contacts, and listening ears! 

    Doing my makeup before giving birth

    There’s no bigger flex postpartum like giving birth without looking like you’ve just given birth. The key? Eyebrow embroidery, eyelash extensions, a Dyson Airwrap, and a hydrating face spray.

    I’ll admit that I used to hate on influencers for looking all glammed up in their hospital photos. How vain! I cluck. Aren’t there more important things to think about when you’re getting ready to give birth? 

    But now that I’ve experienced the horrors of a two-day labour, I understand the appeal of looking cute after giving birth. Let’s face it, you’ll probably feel demolished afterward.

    Between looking after a newborn, healing from your wounds, and possibly learning to breastfeed, you’ll have precious few opportunities to look cute in the next few weeks, if not months. If you want to look good on your last day before the sleepless nights commence, that’s nobody’s business but your own. 

    Regret-o-metre: 4/5

    [[nid:706705]]

    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

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  • Bruce Springsteen’s Longtime Director, Producer Talk 1-Meal-a-Day Diet

    Bruce Springsteen’s Longtime Director, Producer Talk 1-Meal-a-Day Diet

    Bruce Springsteen s Longtime Director Producer Talk 1 Meal a Day Diet Healthy Lifestyle 990

    Bruce Springsteen.
    Taylor Hill/FilmMagic

    Bruce Springsteen is making headlines for his one meal a day diet — and his longtime director and producer have some thoughts.

    While at the Road Diary: Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band premiere on Monday, October 21, Thom Zimny praised Springsteen, 75 for his habits.

    “The last 24 years I’ve just watched Bruce perform for three and a half hours, four hours a night, and it’s just been a lifestyle of healthy living I’ve witnessed,” Zimny exclusively told Us Weekly at the Los Angeles event held in the Academy of Motion Pictures Museum’s David Geffen Theater. “I think he’s a great influence.”

    Jon Landau, however, said he doesn’t take a page out of Springsteen’s diet book. “Well, I don’t follow it,” Landau exclusively told Us. “That’s all I can say about it. I think he does stick to it though.”

    Feature Everything Bruce Springsteen Has Said About Diet Food and Exercise

    Related: Everything Bruce Springsteen Has Said About Diet and Exercise

    Bruce Springsteen is still jamming out on stage over 50 years after releasing his debut album thanks to his diet and exercise routine. In March 2023, Coldplay’s Chris Martin revealed that he took on a new diet inspired by the “Dancing in the Dark” singer. “I don’t actually do dinner anymore. I stop eating at […]

    Springsteen revealed in a recent interview that he only eats one full meal a day. “I’ll have a bit of fruit in the morning and then I’ll have dinner,” Springsteen told The Times on Friday, October 18. “That has kept me lean and mean.”

    Springsteen has been open through the years about his desire to stay healthy and perform as he ages. During an episode of the “Beyond the Influence” podcast in November 2022, he said, “The biggest thing is diet, diet, diet.”

    Bruce Springsteen s Longtime Director Producer Talk 1 Meal a Day Diet Healthy Lifestyle 993
    Taylor Hill/FilmMagic

    “I don’t eat too much, and I don’t eat bad food, except for every once in a while when I want to have some fun for myself,” he continued. “So I think anybody that’s trying to get in shape, exercise is always important of course, but diet is 90 percent of the game.”

    While his unusual dietary habits are turning heads, Landau revealed to Us that fans may also be surprised to learn about how “deeply immersed” Springsteen “remains in everything he does.”

    Bruce Springsteen Chris Martin and More Stars Who Eat Only 1 Meal a Day

    Related: Bruce Springsteen, Chris Martin and More Stars Who Only Eat 1 Meal a Day

    Stars like Bruce Springsteen, Chris Martin and Naomi Campbell have opened up about the extreme dietary regimen keeping them in shape, and it consists of eating only one meal a day, otherwise known as the OMAD diet. A form of intermittent fasting, which involves going without food for a period of time, the OMAD diet involves […]

    “There is nothing that is automatic. There’s nothing that’s unthought of, there is nothing that’s not real,” he said. “I think his fans all sense that, that’s what they love about him, but to see it really spelled out in the way it is in the film — you know?”

    When it comes to the documentary, Zimny shared that he thinks Road Diary may “have a lot of surprises” since it “dips into archival footage” of Springsteen that has never been seen before.

    “It tells storylines that you had to be with the band, like being a fly on the wall moment,” Zimny said. “You see a lot of details that you would kind of hope for as a fan. So I hope this film brings you inside and also explains a little bit of the magic.”

    Reporting by Mariel Turner

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  • Baby talk: The best and worst things I did for my mental health postpartum, Lifestyle News

    Baby talk: The best and worst things I did for my mental health postpartum, Lifestyle News

    Dwight D. Eisenhower once said that “what is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important”. What no one told me about the first few weeks postpartum is that everything feels like both. A baby wailing for milk feels urgent and important.

    Poop flowing out of a diaper feels urgent and important. Recovering from childbirth, learning to breastfeed, and controlling the flow of visitors all feel urgent and important. 

    As much as I’d heard about postpartum anxiety and depression, it was only after becoming a parent that I realised how easy it is for one’s mental health to take a backseat to matters that feel more tangible and pressing. The more I dismiss my own needs, the harder it is to feel joyful about parenting or to give my best to my child. 

    As a first-time parent, there were a lot of things I could have done better. At the same time, there are a lot of helpful things I’ll do again if I have another baby. 

    Below, the best and worst things I did for my mental health postpartum: 

    Best: 

    Allow other people to help 

    During my first few days at home, I felt a little triggered every time someone else tried to handle my newborn. All I wanted to do was to bond with her, so whenever well-meaning family members or my helper swooped in to relieve me, I’d get a little territorial.

    Who gave you permission to take my baby out of her car seat? Who asked you to pick her up when she cries? The intervention of others also wounded my pride-were they helping because I looked incompetent? 

    But as natural as it was to become a “mama bear” after giving birth, I soon learnt that my capacity has limits. Once the confinement nanny left and the “novelty” of having a child wore off, I started to appreciate the privilege of having a village I could call upon so that I could get some rest, and in turn, have a little more mind space and energy for my baby.

    This included accepting relatives’ offers to babysit for an afternoon, or even asking my domestic helper to watch the baby so that I could shower in peace (I tried doing it without her help for two weeks, and let’s just say that there were several days where I missed my morning shower simply because I couldn’t let the baby out of my sight). 

    Mute the mummy group chats

    As useful as the mummy WhatsApp chats are for finding Shopee lobangs or honest reviews of post-natal masseuses, the barrage of information made me question everything I was doing.

    In the chats, mummies constantly ask each other how much their babies drink, how much weight their babies are gaining, and how much breast milk they’re pumping.

    Every time I opened the chat, I’d feel a tightness in my chest. Everyone else’s baby is drinking 750 ml a day, but mine is only drinking 600 ml. Is that okay? I’d ask myself.

    The chat group says their paediatrician advised them to feed their jaundiced babies formula. But the polyclinic doctor told us to keep feeding her breast milk. Should I get a second opinion?

    Matters such as how early babies should sleep through the night also invited comparison. Logically, it doesn’t make sense.

    No two adults have identical sleeping patterns, so why should I benchmark my baby against all these other babies, whose ages, temperaments, and feeding habits differ from mine? Even though in my head, I knew I shouldn’t compare, I still felt a little heartsick, so I decided to protect my peace and stop checking the chats altogether. 

    Maybe I don’t know how my baby, my recovery, or my breastfeeding habits compare to others, but as the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. 

    Meet up with friends – without my baby

    As much as I love being a mum, being on “mum mode” 24/7 is exhausting, lonely, and can set you up for an identity crisis.

    Whenever I started to wonder who I was aside from being a mum, I’d call for reinforcements at home and arrange a date — usually with another mum friend who could understand! — minus my kiddo. Being able to talk to another adult while drinking my coffee in peace gave me the respite I needed to return home, refreshed and ready to set aside my “me time” to be a mum. 

    Set aside time to decompress every day

    Speaking of “me time”, a fellow mum friend told me that I should take a little bit of time every day just to breathe — and that showering, using the toilet, and doing chores solo don’t count. I know it may sound impossible or even wrong to ask for a bit of leisure time when you’re keeping a small human alive, but the need for rest is hardwired into our bodies.

    This can look like anything from journaling, to exercising, to even taking a nap (and no, “sleep when the baby sleeps” doesn’t count either — anyone who’s tried this would know that it’s impossible to fully relax when you’re on standby for the baby to wake up).

    By asking someone else to take over for at least 20-30 minutes at a time every day, I was able to calm myself down, gather my thoughts, and approach the next part of the day with some fuel in my tank. 

    Set boundaries with relatives and visitors 

    Dealing with the demands of a newborn when you’re in a great deal of physical discomfort is hard enough without having to deal with outsiders. Which is why I’m so glad I insisted we limit visitors aside from our parents for the first three weeks postpartum.

    And which is why I also decided to remove myself from the room if I couldn’t deal with people’s negative comments.

    There’s also so much I can do to stop people from making comments like “don’t carry your baby so much” or “if you think it’s bad now, wait till they can walk and talk”, I had to tell my husband that if I couldn’t deal with their negativity, I’d have to excuse myself. And speaking of talking to my husband….

    Communicate openly with my husband whenever I was upset

    By far the best thing I did for my mental health was to nip resentment in the bud. Once my husband’s paternity leave ended, I couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed that he got to enjoy a 9am to 7pm break from the baby every day while I’d go 12 hours covered in body fluids and milk.

    We both contributed to the conception of this child, so why did I have to bear the full biological responsibility while he got to progress in his career and partake in his hobbies? 

    Early on in our postpartum journey, I decided to tell my husband whenever I was feeling overwhelmed. Never mind if I came across as naggy or needy — I needed someone to look out for me and the baby if mental health started to spiral.

    I was surprised and touched by how much my husband stepped up once I communicated to him what I needed: while I’m still in charge of feeding the baby, he bears the load of bathing her, changing diapers, or waking up with her at night. 

    Worst: 

    Not going outside at least once a day

    One of the biggest mistakes I made during my early days postpartum was staying indoors all the time. While traditional confinement rules ask that we not go outside for a month, the benefits of going outside are well-documented — exercise helps stimulate our serotonin, seeing greenery reduces our anxiety, and getting some sun helps regulate our sleep cycles. 

    I knew all that, and yet, I stayed indoors for weeks at a time, going out only to bring my baby to her mandatory appointments at the polyclinic — not because I was determined to stick to the confinement rules, but because I felt too ugly, tired, and listless to go outside.

    But that only made things worse. As anyone who’s experienced the 2020 Circuit Breaker would know, being indoors too much can make you feel “stuck” in a cycle of boredom and negativity, which I was already vulnerable to as a hormonal new mum. 

    I’ve since learnt my lesson and now go outside at least once a day, even if it’s just 10 minutes at a coffee shop. As a bonus, I get a lot of cute smiles from friendly and uncles and aunties when I bring baby with me! 

    Weighing myself every day

    Whoever said that the weight will just fall off after you breastfeed was lying. While this may be true for some women, others will gain weight because of the amount of extra calories needed to maintain one’s supply of breast milk.

    When friends told me they’d lose 1-2 kilograms a week, I began weighing myself, only to get frustrated when my weight plateaued about 5 kilograms away from my pre-pregnancy weight. 

    No two bodies are alike, so if you’re in the same boat as me, know that your body’s doing its best to keep both you and the baby healthy.

    If this means holding on to some calories so that you can recover or, if you’re breastfeeding, so that you have enough energy to feed your little one, then instead of punishing your body for “holding on to the fat”, thank it for all the work it does to calibrate what you need! 

    Checking social media incessantly

    I’ll never forget the night when my TikTok algorithm decided it’d be a great time to show me content about SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I lingered a little too long on the TikTok out of curiosity, so of course the algorithm decided to send me more.

    I soon began losing sleep over fear that my little one wouldn’t wake up — if it happened to all these mums I saw on TikTok, why wouldn’t it happen to me? 

    Refreshing my Instagram didn’t help either, as I was constantly bombarded with posts by “breastfeeding influencers” flexing their supply. I felt so pressured to keep up that I accidentally created an oversupply, which in turn led to many expensive health issues, and which of course did a number on my mental health. 

    If I were to do it again, I’d not only stop checking social media, but I’d probably delete it entirely while waiting for the hormones to settle down. TikTok and Instagram might know my consumption habits, but my real-life friends who know I am and what I need, so I’ll consult them instead when I need help. 

    Getting too hung up on set methods

    If I could go back in time, I would remind postpartum me that babies (and mothers!) aren’t robots: there isn’t one sleep hack that will get them to sleep more, nor is there one dietary plan that will increase my supply of breast milk.

    There isn’t one “tried-and-tested” method to ensure that my child makes all her milestones or learns to play independently; anyone who claims that there is is selling something. 

    By becoming so fixated on methods, I set myself up for disappointment when they didn’t work or when they stopped working. I also put way too much pressure on myself to make the baby sleep, nap, and eat a set timings and for set amounts, which of course led to frustration when her patterns varied.

    I’ve since learnt to be flexible and give myself and baby space to change and grow — at the end of the day, it’s more sustainable for me to read her cues and respond accordingly, than it is for me to expect her to conform to “expert methods” that don’t take into account my child’s unique needs and circumstances. 

    Need support?

    My final piece of advice? Embrace the chaos, stay kind to yourself, and remember — each journey is special in its own way.

    SINGAPORE HELPLINES

    • Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444
    • Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
    • Care Corner Counselling Centre (Mandarin): 1800-353-5800
    • Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline: 6389-2222
    • Silver Ribbon: 6386-1928

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    This article was first published in Wonderwall.sg.

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